Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
