Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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