My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
