I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
