WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
