there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
