You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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