HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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