i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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