that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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