you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
