He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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