Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
