I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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