His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
