I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
