There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
