I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
