last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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