I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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