I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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