cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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