when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
