If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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