i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
