My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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