I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugly people sure do ruin things
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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