plz talk dirty to me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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