some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
