Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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