Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
