Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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