Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
