i already hear my dad disowning me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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