He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
