I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
