I CAN MOONWALK!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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