people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
