I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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