the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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