The maid of honor just puked.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
