Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
