You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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