dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
