That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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