the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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