doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dicks are not precious.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
