I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
