no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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