I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
