Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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