so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
